yo what’s up chesterburgh, it’s your boy ray-ray coming at you live from the depths of my cluttered desk (don’t ask how many tabs i’ve got open rn, it’s a vibe). so buckle up because i just *stumbled* on one of the weirdest things i’ve seen in this quiet little town — and nah, it’s not the mayor accidentally live-streaming his grocery haul again (looking at you, mr. kern). nah, this one involves the notorious “Snack Attack” food truck that’s been popping up in the strangest spots like a late-night glitch in the matrix. what is THIS??

alright, so quick backstory: you all know the Snack Attack truck, right? the one with the neon-pink paint job and the giant taco mascot that looks like it’s had one too many rounds of acid? yeah, that one. usually chills downtown, near the park, serving up fries and those suspiciously addictive loaded nachos. but over the last two weeks, i’ve seen them pull up in places that make zero sense. like, i checked their insta, and they just posted a blurry selfie from the top of… wait for it… the *garbage dump* on edge street.

hold up, right? who goes to the garbage dump for loaded nachos? so naturally, my conspiracy antenna started twitching HARD. i threw together a quick tik tok ultra investigation vid with some blurry screenshots (of course) and captioned it “snack attack or snack aaack???”. it blew up with a mix of people laughing and genuinely concerned. comments ranged from “lol food trucks having a bad trip” to “definitely government cover-up.”

but wait, it gets *spookier*. last night i was cruising through the east side when i caught the truck parked — get this! — right outside the old abandoned radio tower. yes, the place that went dark mysteriously in 2011 and nobody’s dared touch since. they were *closed,* but the taco mascot was weirdly lit up, neon eyes flashing like one of those horror movie possessed dolls. naturally, i snapped pics and posted them in the chesterburgh discord with the poll “weird or government weird? 1️⃣ or 2️⃣?” and y’all are going straight for 2️⃣ with your tinfoil hats on, no surprise.

now, being the certified chaos gremlin and prankster that i am, i decided to slide by the scene today for some daytime recon. no snacks were being served (shocker), but here’s where the plot thickens — the wifi network above the truck isn’t the usual “snackattack_freewifi” or any normal truck stuff. instead, it’s called “ghosttaco_666.” for real. who names their wifi that???

i tried to connect (nope), i tried to ping it (got zero response), and then i noticed some weird kids hanging around, all whispering and pointing at their phones like hackers in some teen movie. i managed to snap a blurry vid (classic unintentional intent) showing them swiping through some sort of encrypted app. what’s going down here? secret taco cult? forbidden nacho tech? national security breach involving cheese dips? your guess is as good as mine.

btw, i hit up my secret sauce source in the township who asked to remain anonymous but dropped some VITAL tea: apparently, the Snack Attack truck got a weird contract with the town council a few months ago after the council livestream “mysteriously” cut out mid-discussion about repaving maple street. source says the deal includes “special midnight deliveries” but wouldn’t spill what exactly is being delivered. “food” is a *big maybe.*

to add fuel to the fire, i dug into old town council meeting vids and, no joke, during a glitchy stream dated exactly when the truck first appeared near the dump, there was a split second frame showing something that *definitely* looked like a shipment label with the words “top secret” and — brace yourselves — “ghosttaco program.” i couldn’t find any official records on this “program” anywhere, like the internet shrunk it or the chesterburgh library wifi just straight-up blocked me.

so here i am, left staring at my screen wondering if chesterburgh is a little weirder than we thought. is Snack Attack just a front for some ultra-top-secret snack-fueled experiment? are those neon tacos luring in unwitting hackers? is our garbage dump actually a front for detachable taco tech development? the town’s wifi is whispering, the taco mascot is glowing, and your boy ray-ray will DEFINITELY be keeping an eye and a camera on this.

drop your wildest theories below, vote in that quiz, and if you see the truck in a strange spot, record it, snap it, meme it. this is the only town where a food truck could be your biggest local mystery and best weird meme material all at once. peace out and remember: keep the snacks suspicious and your wifi names *weirder.*

— ray-ray, signing off from the chaos center of chesterburgh